All my memories of before you destroyed my life are ruined...I cling to them, I try to be that person again...but they feel tainted, they feel unreal, and dead. Those days are gone, and those memories shadowed...
My memories of now are dark...now is filled with shame, anger, pain and regret...but there is one memory of 'now' (well, actually 4 years ago...I think), that you have not touched. And I cannot believe I forgot it!
The summer after what you did, I worked at an organic carrot farm in Inverness...I forgot you! I had fun with my friend, I even made new friends...we worked long, we worked hard...12 hour shifts filled with rows and rows and rows of carrots, and we had to pick the weeds...and all the while you were not there...I picked and picked and picked...I laughed and laughed and laughed...I slept dreamless dreams from the exhaustion, but I was happy! I was free!! I was outside...it rained and I laughed...the sun shined and I beamed!
I cannot believe I forgot about how much I enjoyed that month until I was talking to my counsellor about it...I don't think she has ever heard me laugh like that! I haven't heard myself laugh like that in a long time!!